Category: inner child work

The Drama We Attract in Our Life

Do you ever wonder why you have drama in your life?  The answer to this question may relate to two factors:

1. You were born into a family.

2. The nature of life, is experiences. And many of our experiences revolve around interactions and relationships with people, especially family. Within these experiences, we develop core beliefs about ourselves, about relationship and life in general.

For your life experiences, especially in childhood, begin to shape and create your belief system and behavior patterns. We learn to take on a particular role in what’s commonly called the “Drama Triangle.”

The concept and dynamic of the “Drama Triangle” was first conceived by Dr. Stephen Karpman https://www.karpmandramatriangle.com/ in the 1960’s as a social model. Karpman’s triangle has been adapted for use in structural analysis, which defines roles people take on during conflict situations; also how it can become our go-to defense and protection mode in time of stress, change (uncertainty) or conflict. In recent years, Lynne Forrest https://www.lynneforrest.com/ has done much research and work with the drama triangle and she has some excellent information on this topic and its dynamics.

The 3 roles or faces in the triangle are the: Victim, Rescuer and Persecutor.  A person has one default or go-to role, but participants can and do switch roles depending on their perceptions and what gets triggered in them, while experiencing situations and interactions. As we experience life, it’s common that we all have played these roles from time to time.

Some people are so use to drama in their life, they view this as normal and a way of life, because they experienced this from early on in life. For some, if there isn’t drama going on in their life, they unconsciously will create conflict, so as to have drama, i.e. a sense of “normal” in their life.

Some who struggle with depression, will create a repeated pattern or cycle of depression to conflict/drama and back to depression. A person who struggles with chronic depression or victim energy; the conflict and drama part of the cycle moves that depressive energy perhaps into persecutor or fighter energy, which makes the person feel more alive for a time, until they fall back into the depressive part of the pattern.

Below, I offer a brief description, the mindsets and behaviors of the 3 roles in the triangle dynamic. I also offer some insight as to what’s needed to move oneself out of a particular role in the triangle. Included in the middle of this blog is a diagram of the drama triangle and the transformation to empowerment i.e. ways to step out of the particular drama roles.

The Victim: The victim is the central figure in the drama triangle, by their actions and reactions to stress, change or conflict. Their stance is: “Why me”, “Poor me”, and “I hate myself.” Behaviors: They are very needy, feeling and belief of helpless, hopeless, fearful, negativity, worry, complain, low self-esteem, and focus on self. They are very self-absorbed, yet have little to no awareness of this. They often feel rejected and/or abandoned. Yet, they have abandoned themselves, by way of not taking stock in themselves, not believing in themselves and their struggle with doing for themselves.

Victims often emotionally and physically drain others around them by their neediness and negativity. They have little to no physical or emotional energy or motivation. This creates the need for others to do for them, because they feel and believe they can’t do for themselves. Victims, use guilt and the projection of helplessness to manipulate others, especially a” rescuer” into doing for them. The victim needs a rescuer to come to their aid. So they will attract rescuer energy through their interactions and relationships.

The Rescuer: The rescuer’s stance and line is: “Let me help you” – “I can do this for you.”  The rescuer is the helper, and becomes the enabler in doing for others at the expense of themselves. Rescuer behaviors: needy, avoiding of self, focus on others, high energy. Rescuers have a strong need to be needed. If they are not helping others they feel guilty or shame. Rescuer thinking and behaviors usually comes about due to past experiences where they felt helpless or inadequate to assist someone.

To compensate, for this feeling of inadequacy and believing, “I should have done something or more.” They now make it their mindset and mission to “save the world.” and live to assist others in all ways and forms. They live a rapid pace in thinking, speech and behavior. The rescuer actually takes on this role as a way to avoid facing and dealing with their own struggles and problems. To protect their low self-esteem and insecurities their way of building themselves up is by constantly helping and doing for others.

Many people go into helping professions, such health care, teaching, customer service, entertainment,  as a way to avoid looking and dealing with their own struggles and pain.

The rescuer needs the victim to do for them, so they will often attract victim energy through their interactions and relationships. This gives the rescuer the perception of being of service, being needed. Rescuers often project a sense of entitlement to help others and speak of their sacrifice in order to help/save others. Due to their strong need to avoid themselves and conviction to assist others, they can become the “Martyr” as they sacrifice for others.

The Persecutor: (a .k. a. Fighter or Bully) Stance and mindset is: “I need to win.”  “It’s your fault.” “I hate you.” The Persecutor is angry controlling, critical, blaming, rigid, oppressive, and authoritative, feels entitled and needs to feel superior. The Persecutor struggles with taking responsibility for the way they hurt others. In their mind they feel justified, because they believe others deserve to be hurt, because they themselves are hurting. They often have past wounds of betrayal and injustice. Since the Persecutor was hurt in the past, they see a need to protect themselves in aggressive and demeaning ways. They view the world as a hostile and dangerous place. In order to survive, they need to be the aggressor and have power-over others.

The Persecutor needs the victim in order to have the power-over feeling and someone to blame. The Persecutor is also hiding their own insecurities and low self-worth. Their way of building themselves up is by tearing others down, especially emotionally, by put downs, sarcasm, etc.

How the Drama Unfolds

Consider, most of humanity is either in the victim or fighter energy and consciousness. As humans, with an ego, we struggle with taking responsibility for how we’ve learn to be in the world. We play the “Blame game.” Or we take on too much responsibility, owning more than our share.This is playing the “Shame game.” Shame and blame are the drivers of drama triangles dynamic.

Initially, a drama triangle unfolds when one person takes on the role of a victim and another person takes on the role of persecutor. The victim then feels the need to enlist other people into the conflict. This need invites a rescuer to enter the situation. These enrolled players take on roles of their own that are not fixed, and therefore various scenarios can occur. For example, as a situation unfolds into conflict, the victim might turn on the rescuer, the rescuer then switches to persecuting and the drama is in full swing.

From Victim

In reality, each role or face in the triangle: the persecutor, rescuer, and the victim, are all victims, just with different styles and ways of expression. Each role is acting out in selfish and entitled ways to get their own needs meant and reinforce their belief system. Each role with their mindset and behaviors in the long run, not only hurts or drains others; more importantly, they hurt themselves. Additionally, the role players, each have their own struggles and difficulty, with effectively coping with stress/change, effectively problem-solving and having healthy interactions and fulfilling relationships.

Each person playing the different roles struggles with guilt, yet on a deeper level each role actually struggles with shame. Although at first they wouldn’t admit this. You might be asking: What’s the difference between shame and guilt? In simple terms, guilt is what I’ve done or haven’t done. Shame is who I believe I am. Shame is much more paralyzing and in the energy of shame we need to protect ourselves more. Many say its guilt they are feeling when it’s really shame, because of who they believe and thus become in the experience, the emotions and beliefs they generate from the situation.

This diagram below, shows the 3 faces of victim-hood. The Victim is consumed and defined by their wounds turned to pain, becoming helpless and hopeless. The rescuer is the shadow mother – the caretaker, doesn’t want others to feel or be in pain. Rescuer seeks to fix the problem/pain. Which really is about avoiding their own pain and hardship. No growth come from this.  The persecutor is the shadow father energy, which needs to get even, to inflect pain, through anger and aggression.

The bottom part of the diagram is the way to transformation and empowerment. Each person chooses to take on a role that is more empowering both for themselves and others in the conflict or changing life experience.

The Transformation to Empowerment

Transformation happens, when each person openly acknowledges and admits to themselves and to someone else, their role in the drama triangle. With this acknowledgement, we begin to move toward acceptance and from this acceptance we begin to move forward. We begin to take responsibility for how we’ve shown up in life. This creates a sense of inner relief and creates the opportunity for change and transformation to happen.

Move from Victim energy to Creator energy:
 Person realizes the pain of being helpless and hopeless (victim) is greater than doing for themselves. The creator, now chooses to be the creator of their life, rather than a victim in their life. They take responsibility for how they’ve learned to show up in life, and choose to embrace a “can do” mindset and attitude. Creators, seek to reclaim their inner power and confidence through reconciling the wounds and negative self-beliefs of their past. Choosing now to not be a victim of their past, rather to learn from their past and no longer be defined by it. Creators, choose to live their true potential in the now. They recuse themselves and reclaim, the love, innocence and goodness they are.

In pushing into and engaging in their low self-worth and sense of powerlessness, creators, move from hopeless to hopeful, from powerless to empowerment. They understand now, they are the creator of their experiences and responsible for their own misery or happiness.

Move from Rescuer energy to Coach energy:
Person realizes in avoiding their own struggles and pain, they are creating more pain for themselves. They can openly see and admit that helping others, has been about the avoidance of self. Rescuers, come from fear, often feeling inadequate.  All this shows the rescuer,  how much they don’t love themselves.

The role of coach, plants seeds of possibilities for others, without needing to rescue or fix others. They realize the importance of rescuing themselves from the denial and avoidance of their own struggles and inner wounds. As the coach, they begin to build their self-worth more from the inside-out, rather than just outside-in. The coach, understands that taking care of the self is not selfish, it’s actually an expression and act of self-love. This is a fundamental way of helping others. Love your neighbor, as you love yourself. What you do “to” and “with” yourself, you do to the relationship you have with others. When we have our own inner house in order, we can more effectively be there for others. Our self-worth and happiness is not dependent on others. Here again, it’s about changing from the inside-out.

Move from Persecutor energy to Challenger energy:
This person has reconciled their inner desire to control and demean others. The persecutor to challenger, sees how they have been hurting others. Because, they themselves have been hurting deep inside. They take responsibility for their wounds, rather than making others responsible for this. Confronting and challenging themselves  to be a better, more loving version to themselves.  In the words of a greater master and teacher. The Persecutor to challenger, now acknowledges and accepts the log in their own eye, as they were before condemning the stick in their neighbor’s eye.

The Challenger, more confidently walks their talk,  gains respect  (rather than demands respect)  from others by leading by example. They move from the position of needing to be superior as way of hiding their insecurities to being open and authentic with others. Being a challenger, one is more comfortable with vulnerability and how this leads to greater trust and connection with others. They now challenge, rather condemn others to be a better version of themselves by speaking their truth with words of encouragement and peace. Modeling the way, rather than condemning the way.

In closing, understanding and reconciling our core negative beliefs about ourselves is crucial. Changing the story or narrative we’ve created about ourselves, in relation to our life experiences, is also important. This is the work towards knowing, healing and mastering the self. Furthermore, when we are aware of (know) how the players in the drama are created through our beliefs about ourselves within life experiences; especially those in childhood. This creates the opportunity to realize how we get caught up in drama. From this awareness, we create the willingness to transform ourselves to more healthy ways of being with conflict and change.

As expressed in the Transformation to Empowerment part of this blog. This transformation, allows us to effectively avoid or remove ourselves sooner from much of the potential drama in our life.
                 To know the self, is to empower and transform the self.

Need coaching or counseling with your relationship struggles, I’m a phone call or email away, to assist you. David Schroeder, LMSW, CPC from Grand Rapids, MI., is a licensed and spiritual social worker, certified life transition coach, and author of Just Be Love: Messages on the Spiritual and Human Journey. His practice, Transition Pathways helps people find healthy pathways to love, greater awareness and higher potential. Visit David’s website: transitionpathways.com David’s book, Just Be Love is available for purchase through the publisher: Global Summit House email: infoglobalsummithouse.com and Amazon.com. If you would like an autograph copy of his book, contact David by email: [email protected]

Earth and Human Changes: Why Its Messing with Me & What to Do?

Have you been out of sorts physically and/or mentally lately? Have you found your relationships and people in general more difficult to tolerate and cope with? Have you found yourself or hear others say: “What the heck is going on with the world?” “It sure seems crazy and it’s messing with me.”

A New Era is Unfolding – Creating a Wave of Change and Unease

Well, here are some interesting insights to those questions. Be open to entertain the possibilities as you read on. For the openness to possibilities is what allows us to change and grow. This article is all about the wave of change and more importantly, opportunities for growth awaiting us all.

A Shift in Consciousness
Humanity, individually and collectively, is currently going through a major yet, predicable change and transition. A shift is occurring in human consciousness with a higher way of being and living here on earth.

It is predicable, because over the course of human evolution there has been a rise and fall of human consciousness. It’s a cosmic event, because we are ultimately connected to the energy and cycles of the universe.

There is a 26,000 year cycle in our universe called the Precession of the Equinoxes, otherwise known as the earth’s movement with the sun and the earth’s wobble through the constellations of the zodiac. This cycle has substantial effects on individual and collective rise or fall of human consciousness and behaviors. As shown in this Sine Wave Diagram of long term history.

Age of Pieces and its Consciousness
For the past 10,000 years the consciousness on earth has been rather dark and destructive. For the past 2000 years the earth has been in the constellation and age of Pisces. The consciousness of this Piscean age on our planet has been about fear, control, manipulation, and power-over. It’s been about us vs. them; divide and conquer; exclusion; “the have” and “have not’s” and masculine dominated.

It’s been about greed. Another way to understand greed is my definition: Greed is Power without Love and Wisdom. It’s been an energy and consciousness that has been more selfish and destructive than selfless and constructive to humanity and the planet.

However, over the past fifty years there has been a gradual shift on the planet. The earth’s wobble has been gradually moving out of the constellation and consciousness of Pisces; into the constellation and Age of Aquarius.

Entering the Aquarian Consciousness
The Aquarian age and its consciousness encompass love, acceptance, compassion, cooperation, collaboration and power-with. It’s about inclusion, unity, fellowship, peace, integrity, intuition, and wisdom. It’s the re-emergence of the feminine energy and striking a balance of the masculine and feminine energies within us and on the planet.

The energy and consciousness of Pisces is losing its grip on humanity. However, we humans struggle with change or losing control. Individuals and systems in power around the world (i.e. governments, religious systems, corporations, even family and personal relationships) are struggling with losing their power and control. In fear, many are hanging on tighter now to maintain their way with people, for their own benefit.

Part of the Struggle is Dealing with Our Shadow
As this shift is unfolding, it’s impacting all of us. We are being asked (and driven) to do shadow and inner soul work toward removing what blocks the love, worthiness and light that we actually are. The ego is our internal police officer, it serves and protects us from perceived physical and especially emotional danger and pain. Its partner, the shadow is what we repress, deny or project on to others, in order to protect and defend ourselves.

Those who resist doing their inner work are having a difficult time navigating and coping with this current shift in energy and consciousness. Those with a strong and resistant ego and shadow are experiencing an increase in mental or emotional and physical difficulties and this is making it even harder to regulate and navigate themselves in constructive ways.

Reconciling the ego and its shadow is vital on both individual and collective levels. For this impacts the functioning of relationships, governments, corporations, education and healthcare systems, religious systems, etc.

Many Systems are in Disarray
Much of the current disarray (in people and systems) is the result of the individual and collective egos with their shadows becoming more fearful and out of control. We see this manifest with dysfunctional decisions and behaviors, which produce less effective results. These people and systems are operating under the old energies and ways. Thus this new age, with its higher vibration and consciousness is not supporting their older way of being.

The current United States President, with his behaviors (way of being) is exposing his ego and shadow aspects in many profound ways. You see the dysfunction and negative effects it creates for him, this nation and the world around us.

I believe Mr. Trump won this presidential election on the spiritual level, not only to expose his own ego and shadow, but more importantly, to call attention to all of us, to look at our own ego and shadow for healing and transcending.

The increase in conflict between super power nations, i.e. United States, Russia and China, are also being heightened now as the shadow aspects of the need for control and power-over creates more chaos and tension now.

Both powerful and “wanna be” powerful countries are showing their political and military might with words and actions. Understandably this creates much uncertainty, worry and anxiety for many of us as we witness what’s happening on the world stage.

However, the consciousness of many is waking up to the fact that you never win a war with war. And focusing on war and terror, does just that, creates more war and terror.

Law of Attraction
The law of attraction in simple terms means: what we think about we bring about. This is true on both individual and collective levels. Individuals, big corporations and countries keep feeding their insanity called ego, by feeding their greed (i.e. money and war machines) at the expense of true peace and harmony.

Many countries have recently (or will in the near future) conduct crucial government elections that have implications for the particular countries direction for years to come. In the United States, we see the heightened clash between Republicans and Democrats, conservatives and liberals, the right and left.

There is also a heightened exposure of, and focus on our differences. This causes increased exposure and conflict between whites vs. people of color, male vs. female, CEO’s/stock holders vs. employees, Christian vs. Muslim, West vs. East, Religion vs. Spirituality.

In other systems as well, such as healthcare, conventional medicine vs. complimentary/alternative. In education, public education vs. charter schools. In business, do we take care of the environment (planet) vs. keeping the stock holders happy?

The old consciousness and paradigm of focus on the differences (us vs. them; driven by fear, ignorance, conflict and dis-harmony) is ego mentality that creates the struggle for power, and need to control.

All of this adds up to much unease and discord both individually and collectively. Can you relate?

The Ways of the Ego
When things are changing, the human ego with its shadow needs to defend, to resist, project and blame. Out of self-preservation, it struggles to hold on tightly to what it fears will be lost or taken away

In order to protect oneself from the change, we do whatever we can to resist and prevent the change.

With the energy and perception of fear, we want our sense of control and power back. Consequently, many make unconsciousness choices and exhibit behaviors that are destructive or violent to others and themselves. This inner chaos with its acting out is becoming more heightened and extreme now.

However, the energy, vibration and ways of fear, struggle with uncertainty, need for control and manipulation will no longer work in this new energy and age.

The degree of uncertainty you can tolerate during this shift will determine the quality of your life. Patience and tolerance will be more useful to you as you move through this change and transition.

The Time for Unity
The current shift is about accepting and honoring our differences, while focusing more on our similarities ‒ finding the common ground.

One way to realize this is to consider this quote by Yogiraj Siddhanath:
“Our soul cry. If earth is to herald the dawn of the new age, let us all realize.
Humanity is our uniting religion 
Breath our unity prayer 
Consciousness our uniting God.” 

How would life on earth be, if we all could adhere to this quote? This is the opportunity and shift before us. But we must make the choice to shift our perception, focus, belief, attitude, and our choices.

We Are Being Called to Move from Fear to Love
In these times of change and uncertainty it is love, understanding, acceptance, patience and compassion that will more effectively help you ride this wave of change and transition. The energy of love, acceptance, patience and compassion will offer you a different perceptive, attitude and choices as you move through this shift.

This is the paradigm shift of the ages; moving from the consciousness and behaviors of Fear to the consciousness and behaviors of Love.

It’s all About Cycles
This great shift of the ages and its consciousness is happening, and cannot be stopped. It’s part of a cycle that the planet and humanity have experienced before. For the earth has gone through many cycles and transitions to get to its current state, and humanity (modern homo sapiens) have also gone through many cycles and transitions over its 200,000 years of existence.

Currently we are experiencing rapid change on many fronts. From advances in technology, information, globalization, change in climate and weather patterns, etc. These changes and their transition process have been predicted by people like the famous 20th century psychic, Eager Casey and ancient cultures like the Mayan’s.

The Mayan’s development and use of a calendar of 7 days and 6 nights, and the 9 levels or cycles of time, with stages/levels of human consciousness. Each level is marked by a turning point in human evolution, such as: higher reason, struggle and movement  toward more constructive use of power, and higher ethics/integrity (See pyramid chart below).

Each level/cycle of time gets progressively smaller and shorter in duration of time. Therefore, time and by virtue, life goes faster and changes are more accelerated and intense. This is where we are currently at and experiencing.

For the Mayan and many other ancient cultures, it wasn’t so much about following time, but rather following the cycle and flow of the universe. As December 21, 2012 neared, many had predicted that the end date of the Mayan calendar was going to be the end of the world or at the very least; we would experience very drastic earth changes.

The end of the world or drastic change never happen. It was later discovered after December 21, 2012, that a more accurate end date of the calendar was October 28, 2011 was the end of the 9th and final level of the Mayan calendar.

Regardless of the actual end date, the end of the calendar was not the end of time or the world. Instead, it was the end of an age‒the end of a cycle. Moving from Pisces to the Age of Aquarius. This change through the 9 levels has been gradual from the divine eternal perspective, however, as we’ve reached each level time and changes accelerate. By the end of the final 9th level and going forward (where we are now); the vibration on the planet increases, time and changes accelerate more rapidly.  

We were ending one cycle or age and have moved into a new cycle and age. Which seems to create greater speed and intensity of change. Can you relate to this? Consider that the term “New Age” means: “A Span of Time.”  Things come and they go, the pendulum swings from one end to the other end. This is the nature of things. Ways of healing and living that were popular thousands of years ago are now being re-invented and used today.

With this shift in consciousness and behaviors, four things are happening:

  1. Souls are leaving the planet not wanting to be part of the shift (Many people of all ages are dying, some in interesting ways).
  2. People are contracting difficult physical and/or mental symptoms of discomfort or disorders. That conventional medical wisdom is having difficulty knowing how to treat.
  3. Some are losing their minds, committing crazy, greedy or horrifying acts toward others and/or themselves.
  4. While others are waking up, becoming more accepting, loving, helpful and peaceful.

You choose which part of this dynamic you want to be a part of. Yes, we choose consciously or unconsciously.

All is Right on Schedule and in Perfect Cosmic Order
Everything of Piscean energy and value is now being exposed and challenged. The old ways are being dismantled, and in time will fall away. Its vibration and ways of fear, control and greed cannot be sustained with the new and heightened energies coming from the earth and the cosmos, especially our sun.

This impacts all of us, as we are being rebooted from our DNA outward. This shift is offering us the opportunity to live with greater love, integrity and cooperation.

More of the individual and collective human shadows of denial, avoidance, greed, judgment and corruption are being exposed, true? As fear is the absence of love, judgment is the withholding of love. This can no longer sustain us. This all is part of the process of ascension, what’s unfolding at present. It’s calling us to rise as love and goodness, because Love is who we are.

Shadows disappear, when you remove what blocks the light.

Those dwelling in energies and lower vibrations of victim-hood, or the aggressor, of shame, fear, anger, guilt, or greed‒ create a hell on earth. They will find it increasingly more difficult to sustain themselves in the 4th and soon 5th dimensional energies and vibrations of intuition, willingness, acceptance, love, compassion, joy and peace ‒ creates heaven on earth.

Here Comes the Sun
Part of our awakening to the new consciousness is that the sun is heating up and its solar flares and winds are sending high and intense energy to earth, weakening the earth’s magnetic field. The earth itself is moving to a higher vibrational state known as the Schumann Resonance. A great youtube video on this concept is suggested: “The Schumann Resonance Bursts and Affects on Human Consciousness”, youtube.com/watch?v=RLczNzWBbpE.

This resonance or frequency is rapidly increasing on earth, this along with the sun’s increased solar activity, is taking us all for a wild ride, physically, mentally emotionally, socially and spiritually.

Due to the intensity of these energies and light coming from the sun/cosmos and the earth many people are feeling the effects of this on the physical, mental, emotional, social and spiritual level. Feeling what’s called “Symptoms of Ascension” such as: lack of focus and concentration, increased frustration/anger, and increased fatigue, changes in sleeping and/or eating patterns.

See this link: more signs and symptoms of Ascension  for more information, or you can Google for yourself: ascension signs and symptoms.

The sun, earth and our higher soul self, are assisting us in this process of Ascension.

Ascension means: to move spiritually, to higher states of consciousness, love, wisdom and peace. We only need to be open, willing and receptive to answer and work the call to ascend ‒ rise as love, innocence and goodness.

I believe “The 2nd coming”, is not about Christ coming down again. It’s humanity (you and I), moving up, rising in higher consciousness and love, to meet our beloved. We rise as love and kindness. This is the 2nd coming – “Coming of Age in Spiritual Maturity“. Make sense?

Flashback
Within the ascension process, for several years I’ve been intrigued by three songs written by two of the Beatles and one by a group called the 5th Dimension. Two of these songs make reference to the sun.

These songs speak to this new cycle and age. The 5th Dimension in 1969 released a song entitled: The Age of Aquarius/Let the Sun Shine In. It was referring to the sun and earth’s movement into the constellation and consciousness of Aquarius.

The song first speaks of Astrology; one of the oldest sciences that we have forgotten, but is slowing gaining more attention.

 When the moon is in the Seventh House 
And Jupiter aligns with Mars 
Then peace will guide the planets 
And love will steer the stars.

The song than points to us moving to the consciousness of Aquarius

Harmony and understanding 
Sympathy and trust abounding 
No more falsehoods or derisions.

Golden living dreams of visions 
Mystic crystal revelation 
And the mind’s true liberation.

I take the words of this song to mean: being more compassionate, dissolving greed, living through our heart, our intuition, and transcending the ego mind, i.e. “true liberation.”

The groups name 5th Dimension, speaks of us moving to the higher more loving 5th dimension, as we shed the density, heaviness and destruction of the 3rd dimensional ways.

Let the sun Shine In, was about allowing the “sun” which is often referred to as the Christ consciousness, to shine in, take hold within us. Raise our consciousness; be more responsible and accountable to ourselves and each other.

The Beatles, George Harrison wrote Here Comes the Sun, released in 1969. Which speaks to the power of the sun; how the sun’s energy is changing the climate and consciousness of the planet.

Little darling, it’s been a long cold winter. 
Little darling, it feels like years since its been here.

My interpretation: We’ve been asleep, in the cold and darkness of winter, unconscious, for several thousand of years now.

Little darling, I feel that ice is slowly melting.  
Little darling, it seems like years since its been clear.

My meaning: The ice caps are melting, the climate, the planet is changing. The fear, coldness and ignorance of humanity is melting into love, kindness and integrity. Humanity is gaining more clarity, higher awareness, waking up from the falsehoods and illusion.

Lastly, John Lennon in 1971 released Imagine, which speaks of inclusion, unity and peace.

Imagine there’s no countries 
it isn’t hard to do 
Nothing to kill or die for 
and no religion, too.
Imagine all the people living life in peace.  

Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can 
No need for greed or hunger 
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people sharing all the world.

Lennon’s words powerfully echo the consciousness of Aquarius I mention earlier. The writers of each of these lyrics, nearly 50 years ago, were offering us a message of an upcoming shift of the ages.

What the world could be if we moved from fear and hate, to love and acceptance, from doubt to higher knowing/intuition, from greed and despair to wisdom and sharing?

Creation and renewal, always happens from the darkness. Stronger light, greater love and insight, comes from the struggle, chaos, and the unknown. This is the nature of life.

Helpful Tips for Riding this Wave of Change: 

  • Within the current unfolding cycle, realize it’s a process.
  • So stay focused on the process of being the love you are, and getting your own emotional and spiritual house in order. Now is the time to stay grounded through activities such as, connecting with nature, meditation and other mindful practices.
  • Take time to understand this unfolding change and its intended purpose. Learn to ride its wave, rather than resist or be consumed by it.
  • Do your inner work to reconcile core emotional wounds and negative self beliefs and behavior patterns. This helps raise your consciousness and vibration.
  • Trust in and sharpen your institution.
  • Connect with others in personal, face to face ways. Love and know your neighbor as you first love and know yourself. See this present time as the teacher and opportunity, not the threat or enemy.
  • Choose openness, awareness and love; refrain from fear, ignorance or resistance. The first choice will assist you in this shift, the second choice will create more struggle for you.
  • Yes, stand your ground/speak your truth with love, words and actions of peace. It’s important to “not to lose yourself” in this transition and ascension process. The intent of this process, is for you “to remember your true and loving self”.
  • When you stay in your process, the outcome will take care of itself. Your eternal soul is about the process; your self-created ego is about the outcome.
  • Know that uncertainty is just the result of change, fear of the unknown, and the transition through it. Learn self-control and self-discipline within the uncertainty. This is changing and controlling the only thing/person you can ‒ the self.
  • Focus on the positive, not so much the negative. Look for what’s good and uplifting,
  • Just be love, acceptance and kindness, to stay in the light. This will help you weather the storm and ride this wave toward a new age and way of being.
  • Understand and accept the cycles of the universe and life. Accept that life is impermanent ‒ things change.
  • Have awareness of your breath, of your thoughts, perceptions, and beliefs. Be mindful of your speech and actions, as you ride this wave of ascending to a higher state of consciousness, love and peace. Be patience, gentle and loving to self and others as we ride this wave.

Our Task Now is to Spiritually Awaken
To be the best version of ourselves. To protect and restore the sacredness of ourselves, our planet, and all that inhabits the earth. Honor and learn from the wise spiritual teachers, the stars and the heavily realms. With these great teachers, we must once again be the student – the disciple of these teachers and higher knowing.  Namaste

Are you struggling and anxious with the shift and the wave of change? Are you anxious and/or overwhelmed by change or uncertainty? Help is just a phone call or email away. Please contact David Schroeder if you would like assistance with your acceptance and change issues and how to work through them. David offers life transition and spiritual growth counseling and coaching in-person, by phone or Skype. Visit his website at transitionpathways.com. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness. It’s a sign of strength, a healthy and assertive way to help yourself and move through life transitions.

David Schroeder, LMSW, CPC from Grand Rapids, MI., is a licensed and spiritual social worker, certified life transition coach, and author of Just Be Love: Messages on the Spiritual and Human Journey. His practice, Transition Pathways helps people find healthy pathways to love, greater awareness and higher potential. David’s book, Just Be Love: Messages on the Spiritual and Human Journey is available for purchase through the publisher: Global Summit House email: infoglobalsummithouse.com and Amazon.com. If you would like an autograph copy of his book, contact David by email: [email protected]

7 Traits of Spiritual Maturity

To write of spiritual maturity, let me begin by offering my definition of this term. Spiritual maturity is the willingness to be the student, a disciple to higher spiritual awareness (consciousness) and growth. It is the willingness and openness to explore the higher realms of the self and the universe.

Over 2000 years ago a famous spiritual master and teacher named Jesus said: Be in this world, but not of this world. I believe these words mean, while you temporarily live in this world (on earth), realize there is so much more to you and the universe, that is a part of you, and you are a part of. To illustrate this point, science now knows that 96% of the universe is invisible to the human senses. The way I take this, what we think is real and all there is, is only a fraction of what we and the universe are all about.

We are spiritual beings, having a human experience. Which means, within and beyond our temporary physical body, we are eternal formless fields of energy, that we call a soul. Spiritual maturity is the remembrance of our soul and the yearning and desire to rediscover the soul and our divinity within it. It is to move in body and mind from the limited, to the unlimited of ourselves and the universe.

The following are 7 traits of spiritual growth and maturity:

1. Search for Higher Truth: Living here on earth, you can begin to yearn and feel for something more. That there is more to this life than what’s learned from family, traditional school, religious systems, government, etc. Shaking the old, what was once made true in order to discover the truth.

What’s true, will not surpass the test of time. What’s true will change over time. A truth will always surpass the test of time. The truth will not change over time, its eternal.

The Sufi teacher and spiritual leader, Hazart Inayat Klan has said this about truth: “When a person looks at the ocean, he can only see that part of it which comes within his range of vision; so it is with the truth.”

Spiritual maturity is about questioning and challenging the status quo. On an individual and collective level, many people struggle with change; we want safety, steadiness, certainty and predictability. This is adhering to the primitive part of our brain. That is all about survival and keeping safe.

We struggle with the unknown and uncertainty. However, there is no higher understanding and growth in the status quo.

The person on the spiritual path is often not going so much with the mainstream society. For they realize the truth won’t be found at Walmart or watching the Fox network.

2. Concerned about what’s Going on Inside of You: On the spiritual path, you begin to realize the importance of doing your inner work, to reconcile, release and re-frame what has been blocking your true happiness, potential and spiritual growth. You pay greater attention to your feelings, emotions and beliefs and how they trigger unproductive behaviors and outcomes.

One understands you cannot heal what you do not feel.  Engaging in your feelings, emotions and beliefs is the higher road, to better understand yourself in relation to your life experiences, and how you have learned to show up in life.

You are aware and accept, that what comes up for you within difficult experiences and people in your life are your teacher and opportunity to higher learning and growth. As a result, you are not as easily caught up in the victim and/or conflict or drama energies, and there destructive thinking and behavior patterns. You respond more than react to life situations and people around you.

In addition, you’re not as distracted by mundane aspects of life, which only seek to interfere with your growth. Therefore, your focus, is on connecting back to your soul and seek to understand why you have come to earth in this life time, what is it, you are to experience and resolve in this life journey?

Your experiences and people in your life create a student and teacher dynamic in order to experience and learn life lessons. You ask soul searching and life affirming questions like: What’s my purpose for being? Who am I? Most importantly, you go after the answers.

You begin to have different priorities in life and your values can shift as to what’s important vs. what’s no longer needed in your personal and/or professional life. Consequently, there’s a desire and willingness to listen more to your soul and heart, what I call the soul-heart, its pulse and nudging from deep within.

This soul pulse and nudging often wants you to step out of your status quo and comfort zone. So it creates fear and uncertainty. Many don’t say “Yes” to the call. They just go about their life. Than 5 or 10 years later they have regrets of not going with that calling of the soul pulse, as it seems more clearly now, where the soul was intending to lead you.

3. A Prayerful and Mindful Person: A spiritually growing person has heightened awareness of the value and practice of prayer throughout the day, as a way to commune with the higher power, whatever name you may call this.

They also practice meditation as a way to listen to their higher self and divine source for guidance and direction. They value what I call the 4 I’s of: Innocence, Intuition, Imagination and Inspiration to assist them on their spiritual journey. They listen to, and follow. the soft still voice of their intuition/higher self; more then the loud and self defeating voice of their inner critic i.e. lower, ego self.

4. Practice the Actions of Acceptance, Compassion and Forgiveness: The spiritually mature person understands the importance of Acceptance, Compassion and Forgiveness. They realize these are acts of love to the self and others. These loving actions, generate inner freedom, peace and gracefulness in life. 

With the practice of acceptance, compassion and forgiveness, one is sensitive to both their own needs and the needs of others; while setting healthy boundaries.

The spiritually mature person, lives as much from their heart, intuitive and emotional part, as from their head and logic side.

5. A Peace Maker and of Service: True spiritual masters are peace makers, and value peace over conflict. They seek to do no harm, thus understand and practice patience and tolerance, to achieve this end. In their communication they speak their truth with words of peace. 

Those growing spiritually, humbly seek to serve others, for the betterment of others and society as a whole. They receive as they serve, because their mindset is on loving kindness and willingness, not sacrifice.

6. Full of Love, Passion and Joy for Life: You remember you come from love, so you are love. Embracing this love, allows for passion with life, and a joyful heart. You freely spread this love, passion and joy to others. Having childlike qualities, you love to laugh and be playful, not taking yourself in life too seriously. You understand and see the lesson and meaning to life experiences, both the joyful and difficult ones.

7. Awareness of Being Connected to All That Is: The spiritually mature person understands that everything is made of energy, with a vibration. That everything in the universe is connected and interdependent with each other. So the idea of separation has been reconciled. You see the wonder, the miracle and beauty of all things. You accept the impermanence of life‒things change.

There is an understanding, that darkness and destruction are a part of the divine process and cycle of life. There is life – transition ‒ rebirth. You accept that creation/birth comes from the darkness, the void, and that renewal comes from destruction.

In conclusion, becoming spiritually mature is a conscious choice and a process. Which can be sparked by a crisis, loss, or a yearning for something more in life. It involves acceptance, willingness and determination to begin a deeper exploration of our soul in relation to our human experience.

Through spiritual surrender, the spiritually mature person embarks on working the task of transcending the ego’s will and ways of being, to the will of the divine.

The 7 traits listed, are part of a spiritual practice, process and inner discipline one chooses on the road to spiritual maturity. Once you begin this journey of deeper exploration and higher consciousness. You realize what’s been missing in your life, and you won’t want or need to go back to the old ways of living and being.

Out of love, this opportunity is always there for us to embrace. Having free will, however, the choice is always ours, to go deeper into this journey or not.

Do you desire to discover a higher purpose and meaning to your life?  Are you struggling with embracing your spiritual path or staying on it? Please contact David Schroeder if you would like assistance with your spiritual issues and how to work through them. David offers life transition and spiritual growth counseling and coaching session’s in-person, by phone or Skype. Visit his website at transitionpathways.com.  Asking for help is not a sign of weakness. It’s a sign of strength, a healthy and assertive way to help yourself and move life transitions.

David Schroeder, LMSW, CPC from Grand Rapids, MI., is a licensed and spiritual social worker, certified life coach, and author of Just Be Love: Messages on the Spiritual and Human Journey. His practice, Transition Pathways helps people find healthy pathways to love, greater awareness and higher potential. David’s book, Just Be Love is available for purchase through the publisher: Global Summit House email: infoglobalsummithouse.com and Amazon.com. If you would like an autograph copy of his book, contact David by email: [email protected]

3 Myths and 6 Truths about Self-Love

Cultivating Self-Love is one of the foundations of self-esteem. The most important person to have a loving and caring relationship with is with you. Self-love is the basis of your happiness, as well as your physical and emotional health. Self-Love is vital toward developing and sustaining healthy relationships with others, or the ability to move on from an unhealthy relationship. If you struggle with loving yourself, you will likely struggle with loving relationships with others. Spiritual truth says: what you to do yourself you do to others.

There are both myths and truths about self-love.  

 3 common Myths about Self-Love:

1. I need to please others: In childhood I experienced and learned that in order to get love, acceptance and approval, “I needed to please others” and I still believe this today. In pleasing others, we tend to forget the self. Over time, this depletes you especially, emotionally, leading  to resentment, unhappiness and overall life dissatisfaction.  

2. Self-Love is being selfish: Childhood taught me that to love the self, was being selfish, arrogant or egoistical. I became programmed to feel guilt or shame if I took  care of and loved myself, if I said, “No” ‒ set boundaries for myself. We learned to love and value others unconditionally, yet, “conditions” apply to loving ourselves.

3. Life is 90% what happens to me and 10% what I do with it. This myth caused me to develop an unhealthy and unloving relationship with myself around a difficult circumstance. I become the victim (blaming/hating myself) or the villain (blaming/hating others) because of the circumstance.

Life circumstances can cause us to become sad, fearful, angry, bitter, and resentful. There is a part of us that ultimately needs to blame someone or something for our feelings and emotions. In the end, I either blame you or I blame myself. This blame is judgment, and judgment is simply the withholding of love. Within my difficult situation, I do not love you or I do not love myself. Either way, my wounded self is not being loving. It’s protecting/defending itself or condemning the self. This is fear, not love.

The truth is: life is 10% what happens to me and 90% what I do with it. This means I take responsibility for my thoughts, beliefs, choices and behaviors regarding the experience. This is a more loving, accepting and empowering way to move through life experiences.

6 Truths of Self-Love:

1. You instinctively know your true worth. Question: How easily do you give up your value and sense of worth when things go wrong? People, who love themselves, instinctively believe and know they are worthy and of value.

Within the struggles and hardships of life, they have accepted and learned that life offers a series of problems in the form of lessons, and their life experiences are the lessons. Within these experiences, working with and through their circumstances, they have developed a more positive, self-empowering and life enhancing relationship to their unfortunate circumstances.

They are not defined by the unfortunate experience, rather they see it as an opportunity to deeply love them self, have compassion for themselves and others within and because of the experience.

They choose out of love and a desire for higher learning and growth, not to diminish their self-worth and love of self. They realize the circumstance was a test of their faith and to not lose our self-love, within the difficult experience. They accept it’s not always possible to like yourself or the experience, but you should never give up loving yourself, because of the experience.

The truth is, loving the self is one of the most positive and healthy ways to live and cope with life. To love your self is to value yourself and know your worth. Self-love and worth, naturally spills over to loving and accepting others.

2. Return to the Source of Love: In my humanness I tend to forget I am love, innocence and goodness, due to difficult and painful experiences. I experience, rejection, abandonment, or betrayal, which leads me to feel embarrassment/shame or injustice i.e. the world is not fair. My perception and belief of separation takes shape in my reality.

There is however, another truth and reality beyond what I have made true. There is a source and power within me and all around me that is pure and unconditional love and acceptance. This love is the source and basis of all that exist.

To return to this source is to remember and return to love. It is to remember and return to that which I am‒Love. This ends the perception and belief in separation and returns me back to inclusion.   

Love, innocence and worthiness represent inclusion. Fear, shame and unworthiness imply exclusion. To have self-love is to include myself again.

3. Self-Love creates and builds resilience. Resilience embodies the qualities of flexibility, hardiness and determination. I love and care about myself enough, that I choose to see my circumstances through. So I am open and accepting to my circumstances. Moving away from avoidance, resistance, shame or blame.

To be flexible and adapting, offers me the motivation and determination to change what I can. The greater my self-love, the greater my resilience and willingness to change what I can. The greater my resilience the deeper my self-love.

4. Loving the self without the conditions. The unconditional love and acceptance you offer others, is to be offered and expressed to yourself first and foremost, without conditions or “yah buts.” The airplane ride proves this statement. When traveling by plane, with a small child, the flight attendant says: “Put the oxygen mask on yourself first before your child.” Why? Because, in order to keep your child safe and secure, you need to have yourself safe and secure first.

A fundamental way to feel safe and secure is through self-love. Don’t wait for others to affirm you, affirm yourself freely and daily. True happiness comes from the unconditional love and acceptance with all parts of us.

5. All of our experiences are meant to bring us back to love. A difficult spiritual concept to comprehend is the notion that our experiences and the way we move through them, shows us how much we love or don’t love ourselves.

If I don’t love myself, because someone wasn’t very loving or kind to me, I have given away my power and my sense of love to that unloving person and/or experience.

It’s really not the rejection or betrayal by the other person that hurts me. What creates my hurt is the perception, belief and behaviors I take on because of the experience, the story I tell myself and others around the experience.

The key: within an unloving or uncaring act of someone toward you, keep loving and expressing kindness to yourself along the way. Some examples to help with this:

  • Connect with loving/supportive people
  • Write in a Journal
  • Take a warm bath/receive regular bodywork
  • Forgive the unloving words or act, sooner rather than later
  • Take walks/exercise
  • Mediation and prayer
  • Talk with a therapist or coach to sort out truth from your distortions and false beliefs.
  • Practice what I call the 4R’s (see below)

The 4 R’s:  Recognize, Reconcile, Release and Reframe

Recognize: Much of the owning process is about recognizing, becoming aware and identifying or naming where the hurt takes you in perception, feelings/emotions and belief about yourself within the situation. As I see how and where the situation or person triggered my perception, feelings and self-belief, this gives me the opportunity to:

Reconcile: within me where the situation is taking me in my belief about myself. How this belief builds me up‒makes me my best friend or condemns me‒makes me my worst enemy. When I can reconcile within myself, where the situation is taking, me than I can release the inner torment.

Release: To release is to say, believe, and act with confidence and determination to letting go of what no longer serves me. I release my unhealthy mind set and choose now to construct a more self empowering and loving mind set along with actions that reinforce the new way of being.

I choose to let go of the old, in order to create and live the new. I choose to focus on what I will gain and benefit as I embrace self-love, and release self-judgment and sabotaging thinking and behaviors.

Reframe: is the openness and willingness to view the upset in a different way. The mind is limited in perception and belief. We know what we know and we feel, and do what we know. To entertain a different possibility from my current point of view is to open the door to a different knowing. This helps create a more constructive and healthier story and reality‒way of thinking and acting.

To reframe my perception and belief, helps reduce the emotional charge I’ve had around the painful experience. This is an act of self-love within the fact that someone outside of me wasn’t very loving to me. This is a way we return to love and self-empowerment.

6. Can I look in the mirror and see love, my innocence and goodness? Or do I see what I deem as flaws, the bad hair day, the wrinkles, etc? I see my created distorted reflection, not the true reflection in my mirror. The one looking at you from inside the mirror only sees you as love, innocence and beauty.

Can you accept and honor this truth of who you are? If you can, how would this make you feel in this moment? How would this start your day? What would this do to your state/frame of mind, and your attitude about yourself in life? When you reject the one in the mirror you are excluding her/him. To embrace and freely love the one in the mirror is to include her/him into your life.

In my book, Just Be Love, I wrote a poem entitled: My Mirror, which illustrates the importance of staying true to the divine reflection of you from your mirror.

My Mirror

My mirror recognizes and reflects the truth
that I struggle to notice and affirm.
My mirror only sees and knows me as love,
love I struggle to accept and embrace.
My mirror supports and nurtures,
what I choose to judge and reject.
My mirror only ask that I Just Be Love,
with the one who truly sees and knows me.

I look deeply in my mirror.
I see my innocence, perfection and radiance,
I would before hide and condemn.

As I let go of what I thought I was.
I see more clearly who I am.
What a gift I give to myself this day.

Thank you mirror, thank you,
I finally recognize and have found the one,
I’ve been looking for all along.

To come back to loving your self is to cultivate and value the self. You are expressing to yourself, you matter. Thus you find and connect with the one you have been looking for. You come back to the truth of who you are.

Are you struggling with loving yourself? Are you pleasing others as a way to receive love, acceptance and approval? Only to find you are more physically, emotionally and socially depleted?  David Schroeder, can help you reclaim the love and goodness you are. If you would like assistance with reclaiming this love and goodness David is here to assist you with his life transition coaching and counseling sessions. He offers in-person, by phone or Skype sessions. Visit his website at transitionpathways.com.  Asking for help is not a sign of weakness. It’s a sign of strength, a healthy and assertive way to help yourself and love yourself again.

David Schroeder, LMSW, CPC from Grand Rapids, MI., is a licensed social worker, certified life coach, and author of Just Be Love: Messages on the Spiritual and Human Journey. His practice, Transition Pathways helps people find healthy pathways to love, greater awareness and higher potential. David’s book, Just Be Love is available for purchase through the publisher: Global Summit House email: infoglobalsummithouse.com and Amazon.com. If you would like an autograph copy of his book, contact David by email: [email protected]

A Valentine’s Day Message

So another Valentine’s Day is upon us. Like Christmas, many scramble to find the perfect gift for their beloved, to show their love and how much they care. Love is a beautiful thing. The expression of unconditional love and acceptance is a gift beyond measure. As I express in my book Just Be Love, I define divine love as the unconditional love and acceptance of the spirit of all that exist. In the spirit of us, the soul essence of us is expressing itself in human form. The divine loves and accepts this spirit/soul in whatever form or formless state it may express itself. The ultimate of love, I’ve come to appreciate is freedom. The divine’s love is freedom, that’s why as human’s we have this gift called, free will. Whatever name you give the divine, call it God, Buddha Allah, Kristina, Jesus, Mohammad, etc. the name is not the point. The point and the message is clear, no matter the religion, culture, gender, belief or language of each of us. This power greater than ourselves freely loves to love. Divine love is always present and present in all ways.  

Whether you are in relationship with another person or not this Valentines’s Day, it need not matter. However, societies and ourselves in it, can make it matter, to the point of much unhappiness, even despair. This is a great error, similar to the error of attachment to our self-created story, as if it were life itself. What does matter is the relationship you have with yourself, and with the universal source of love and goodness. This love is always present, even when we don’t feel its presence and/or we deny its existence. This love is not defined by human struggle nor by our beliefs about life.  For the energy of divine love is existence. Without it, nothing else would exist, including you and I. 

So Just Be Love this Valentine’s Day. Give yourself permission and the opportunity to freely love to love. I ask: Can you be your own valentine today and to all you meet this day and everyday? For love is all we are, and what we truly seek to return to.

What is Eros and Agape Love?

The Ancient Greeks had two main words to describe love, Eros and Agape.
Eros Love, is the most common way human’s love. Eros love is physical, passionate, sensual; a desire, a longing for another, but in an egotistic and objectified way. In Eros love, we struggle with freely loving just to love. With Eros love, I make the other my love object; and responsible for my happiness. Eros love is conditional, and is the love of need and feels it lacks. One has a desire to be loved, but with expectations to the one they say they “love.”  This type of love, loves to get something a payback, they form relationships based on “you owe me.” This love is always comparing and seeking what it appears to be more satisfying outside of itself. So we are rarely satisfied in relationship with another, because I may struggle with insecurities and self-love, I make people and things outside of me, responsible my happiness and contentment.

Agape Love is spiritual divine-centered love. With Agape love, one has the awareness that it was created in the image of God, and this knowing dissolves any concept of separation into oneness. Agape love has no needs and makes no demands; its intent is offering understanding, and unconditional love, acceptance and good will. This love is the truest form of intimacy, a love without measure.  With Agape love the perception and belief of a threat or an enemy dissolves. For you see others as a reflection of yourself, so you see love as the teacher and opportunity to higher awareness and soul growth. The search for love ends, when I have the awareness that I am love,       I remember who I am. This is the desired freedom we seek. It’s the journey of the soul in human form.  Agape love is not about falling in love, this is Eros love. Agape love, is rising as love, to ascend in the energy and awareness of love, because love is who we are.

Signs Eros Love:
If you are with someone, who appears judgmental, controlling, demanding; presenting conditions to loving i.e. I’ll do this if you do that.” This is the withholding of love to get my own needs met, with little concern for the other person. If you need someone, to the point of losing yourself because you need them, you are being conditional or maybe in your neediness and dependency you can more easily be controlled and taken advantage of in relationship.  With others, if you need to be right more often than not, you are offering Eros love.  If you believe being with someone will make you happy, your love is Eros, because in time, you will make the other person responsible for your happiness, causing you to be more unhappy and unfulfilled. If you bounce from relationship to relationship, have had affairs; use food, alcohol, or porn, etc. to cope with and find satisfaction within a relationship; you are consumed in the unsatisfying love called Eros.

Signs of Agape Love:
Pure love, divine love is freedom. Agape love, offers a sense of freedom to the other person. You have a good awareness of self and a confidence, which allows you to be strong, yet flexible in the relationship; without losing yourself or pushing the other away. Your love is more unconditional and you value accepting people with where they are at; without judging or needing to change them.  One can easily compromise without a sense of feeling slighted or that you’ve gained the upper hand. Agape love is not a power over the other person; you embrace a relationship that is more inclusive and work toward having power-with the other person. You view your relationships as learning and growing experiences, especially during difficult/challenging times with this person. You often say to yourself within relationship experiences: “What is this person teaching me?”  “What am I to learn from this experience?”

Agape love is heart-centered. This type of love, offers awareness, acceptance and compassion to acknowledge that sometimes for the highest and greatest good, a relationship is no longer healthy and constructive. So out of love I set myself and you free, in forgiving and appreciative ways. Love is freedom and freedom is love.

The way to Agape Love: Is to first and foremost understand, accept and have the awareness that you are love. Reconciling our wounded past gets us on the pathway to this higher understanding and acceptance of the love that we are. This allows us to be more accepting and offer loving kindness to others.

Free your ego of selfish needs and wants. This minimizes the degree of conditions and expectations of how love should be. Divine love is the unconditional love and acceptance of the spirit of all that is. Pure and Agape love is free of conditions and expectations. This is the way to rise as love, happiness and freedom.

Which type of love do you think you express most often, Eros or Agape?  What makes this so? Which type of love would offer you more happiness and peaceful relations with others? Why?   Your answers are appreciated to these questions. Leave a comment about this blog.

David Schroeder, LMSW, CPC from Grand Rapids, MI., is a licensed social worker, certified life coach, and author of Just Be Love: Messages on the Spiritual and Human Journey. His practice, Transition Pathways helps people find healthy pathways to love, greater awareness and higher potential.  My book Just Be Love is available for purchase through the publisher: Global Summit House email: infoglobalsummithouse.com and Amazon.com. If you would like an autograph copy of his book, contact David by email: [email protected]